agnore.

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we won meridian 29-2 at floorball. sir offered us cranberry bread that he made- good stuff. teacher's day coming up on tues, and we've got all these brilliant pretty tinkering ideas, but there's no time and no one to prepare them i bet. i had a whole day of meetings in church, and its draining me. time for a refill. refuel. all these bits of information are so disjointed and random, but that's what u get when a whole week rushes by you without giving you time to slot all the million activities into individual slots called 'days'. had o-team programmes meeting. thinking up the games would be multimillion dollar fun. my grp consists of kevin marcjo mingkai kayhwee desmond bern shireen. it shld be scrumptious stuff. make me a better person.

everything's falling down too fast, the ground's sinking before time allows it to settle firmly on the ground. a never-sinking clawed feather of chores.

hway-o.

agnore.

arts isn't all about trying

its about winning.

floorball girls got the gold yesterday!! euphoria am really really proud of the arts girls. they came down to train on thursday and their formation on friday was superb, defence was tight with constant covering, passes were accurate and across the court, goals were fantastic. wanted to go out for dinner with them but ytd my dad insisted that i went home immediately cos they got dinner for me already. anyhow, we arranged a lunch date with them- arts floorball team. we so rock! ahaha. not so modest but nvm.
i shall wallop hannah one day. stupid rockclimbing incident i will so kill her. (just kiddin.)
floating around before reality settles in thickly and i have to work through the fog of history and cram it all into 4 essays due next week.

burnt.on a stake?

tee hee went swimming on sunday under the gaudy sun for 5 hours, wanting to reclaim my tan and got more than what i bargained for. i am sunburnt. hurts like crap. yes and i went shopping, bought 2 skirts and a top and mom got me a bag. before i shave off my account i had better stop (after tmr, i will. tmr is shopping day with cherie to get our cell members n friends presents. i've counted 8 prez to settle. oh gosh this is an insurmountable task.) have faction meeting at 1pm in sch after which i'll be meeting cherie at 3, afterwhich i'll join our class at 7pm for dinner. where does homework fit in? no where. and pardon me, sleep fits in now. adieu.

reading Davinci's code. some of it is blasphemous. like constantine. and married Jesus. but most of it is thrilling gripping stuff if i overlook the religious details and untruths in the glaring light of my beliefs. why should i believe a book a single man has written as compared to the bible that has been found by centuries historians and historic archaelogists to be impeccable, and has been written by numerous authors all giving different accounts to the same thread of truth? blasphemy, i call it.

please please

whoopee! the goal the goal the goal!!! floorball training today! i scored! finally! heheh. and i assisted too! yay jubilee this is great i hope the high doesnt die down oh please please dont let this be the last time
'go sleep! dont disturb daryl, the light's too bright' please la. he doesnt even know im at the com, being in deep dead slumber, think he knows the light is on? just one of my sister's bossy bad moods where she thinks shes the queen of the universe with the supreme duty of ordering people around her proud pinkie. retarded. im sitting in this chair and Not budging. prfft.
i got a chocolate today, for being the goalie ytd hehe. so funny. doesnt that give me further incentive to be the goalie? cos a goalie's job is to get whacked by the ball and block the ball/ make a save as a result. and this fella felt sorry (or kind) n gave me dove chocolate today for amends. how weird. (or kind). :/

anyhow, tmr's start of ntl day holiday. hehe. yippee! we be painting the class tmr. but normally after a high of flurry and excitement, the cardboard crumbles in a crash. oh please please let this be a good weekend, good fun with erica sarah and ashley, good fun w adele, gd fun with cherie...with God.
how do u fit into the picture? show me! im sorry for being blasphemous.have i been? groan.

a sonnet

sonnet #31



THY bosom is endearèd with all hearts
Which I by lacking have supposèd dead;
And their reigns love, and all love's loving parts,
And all those friends which I thought burièd.
How many a holy and obsequious tear
Hath dear religious love stol'n from mine eye,
As interest of the dead, which now appear
But things removed that hidden in thee lie!
Thou art the grave where buried love doth live,
Hung with the trophies of my lovers gone,
Who all their parts of me to thee did give;
That due of many now is thine alone.
Their images I loved I vew in thee,
And thou, all they, hast all the all of me.

mirror

i should be glad. there was ifg floorball training today. i tried goal keeping for the first time +glee. finally got round to editing the template. trying to go into black and white now, for simple reasons. wonder who i'll get to work with during orientation. i do think film and photographs take away a part of me. the part of me that doesn't know how the rest of me looks like to the rest of the world. through the captured sequence i get to see me the way others see me, not through a mirror, or a reflection. and that's weird. the way your voice sounds different to yourself as to others. Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe.
Laurence J. Peter
Someone's boring me. I think it's me.
Dylan Thomas (1914 - 1953), in Rayner Heppenstall, Four Absentees (1960)
And since you know you cannot see yourself,so well as by reflection, I, your glass,will modestly discover to yourself,that of yourself which you yet know not of.
William Shakespeare

dismirrored.

wreck.

its been such a long day. i dont wanna bother about anything anymore not punctuation not trainings and end of year camps not common tests or woman in black nor the uncleared tang yuan bowl in front of me
everythings crashing down what a laugh actually nothing is crashing down i just perceive them to be so/ why do things blow out of proportion why do over affected people ask to speak to me in funny places in the school and in warped places online?
despite all that ramble there may or may NOT be wib tomorrow depending on bernice s friend s class. garamond is a good font im seriously going into random sputters now
did she ask you to treat her like a stranger? is she still angry? _nonoNO. cant everything be normal again as long as you behave like it is?
overreaction is a figment of extrapolated imagination.
scratching at gnarled splinters of wood. blood drops flow into the rose petals, making them blush red.

spiral.

spirals are circles that cannot end. circles are moving points that cannot stop. i am the dot.
i shall be adopting a new blog soon, something everyone can read, something that wont remind me of things i dont want to remember, something untruthful.
i mean public diaries dont really exist anyway, unless ure dead sure no one reads it. names have to be masked, characters edited. ah the malleable truth.
there was o-team interviews today, it went well. thank God. tmr there's chocolart. ive to lug home my stick, my pot of salsa (which i proudly produced) , bao's blender, uniform that's sitting in my locker.. and that's bad enough. AND there's econs lect quiz tmr. boo.


-dot.

soup.

you dont me well enough to know im not that spiteful.. can this just end. its getting tiring. im not some crazy psychopath seeking revenge or square blows. just someone on the run.do u get that?

blunt?

i dont want to be mean or anything. it just makes me uncomfortable. call it the withdrawal symptoms. i'm not angry or hateful. hopefully you're over it by now.
maybe this would be as blunt as the other. in a more positive way.

alive and swimming.

achievement of last week: 30 pts for napfa.

achievement for this week: daniel fasted today. -but, i ate around 3 so effectively that's just a late lunch :( not too good. a flawed achievement?
am ploughing thru anna and mister God. lately ive been sleeping real early around 10+ or 11. seems like i dont have the energy to stay up anymore. come 10pm and im babbling nonsense. not like that's something new, but anyhow. today i ended school at 230 =) no training. woot.
conflict of the week: asics $130 comfort or $76 nike aesthetically-pleasing-shoe? which will last longer? the nikes are like half the price of the other. but asics lets me float around in the air or sth..

running back out of the crevice into the void,

you're filled with nothing but u fill everything.

empty terrain for your patient footsteps,

claim me Lord

again to your side.

and the clock ran away with the mouse, hazing over with timeless awe what cannot be counted with numbers.

rambling.

i'm very sick and tired of this template. even though so much work  has gone into it- none of it mine. and this is the rule of the game, the distance you keep will be the closest we'll get. and supply is highly elastic. in the negative direction.  one move= buck away quicker than u can say run. i am demented. may nobody find this blog.

dreaming of the goal.
and shoes. (not nike.)


yesterday was weird.

remember?

it seems like so many people around me are getting depressed. but i'm in no position to help them, even though i want to. i remember my bouts of depression. stuff i wish i couldnt recall. things like these haunt you, dont they? i wonder how long my friendships now will last. how many of these are superficial, and can last. or maybe friendships were not meant to last. they just happened, and during that timespan in which they mattered, if we appreciated them, that was sufficient. if that were the case i wouldnt have to feel so bad abt all my dwindling friendships, persons i used to spend alot of time with, shared laughs, frowns, bloopers with.
 today we had floorball training. i think the only thing i was capable of doing was blocking the ball. and shielding (myself into a tight corner, no where to turn. ) its depressing, not playing well. i do think its the things that are most capable of bringing you joy, that cause you most hurt.
so many things are paradoxical. maybe paradoxes give meaning. like how contrasts complement, and illuminate. there are many i-words for light. iridescent, illuminate, incident..according to Oxford who was sitting on my shelf. onion tears. i thought i was really happy with school and all, and i ought to be. appreciative of the compound, my class, cca, and i am, i think. but sometimes, the full swing of life's hurried meaninglessness bats me in the face. and wham! once more im dizzy, also when im confused im most awake, and most dreading the routine track on which my life train rambles on.


chug.
'are u, one of We?'

chasing them round

today after school, i felt funny not having anything to do, no meeting to rush to, no training to prep for, no tests to mug for... nothing. belle had to go off for third lang, hannah had some council stuff, and there was no one at the hockey table. for once i was stranded and didnt have to, couldnt go to, anywhere. so in the end i joined the class guys for pool.
i regret. should have accepted chethan's invite to play floorball. haha. beat benuel twice, then he thrashed me once. mark sent the black ball into the hole in the first break and won. i was leading mark by two balls but sent the white ball in together with the black and mark won. HOW can people get addicted to such stuff? it's depressing right after the third set, my eyes get dry, chasing the wrong balls all around the table is hardly considered fun, (since they dont go where they're supposed to) and it gets me all stressed and off.
met parents for dinner. hope next friday and the friday after next will be more fruitful, pool-less (unless the girls are around to provide sanity) and hockified. floorballified.
:/ have to design 5 shirts. crazy. faction, acme, entre competition-moving campus shirt (?!), class, floorball.


maddened.

anna in the middle of Mister God.

"people got into the habit of slipping these bits of coloured glass over their inward eye and seeing things according to the colour and label of the glass. this we did, i was given to understand, in order to justify our inner convictions..now Mister God was a bit different from a flower. a flower that didnt want the yellow light was called yellow by us because that was what we saw. you couldnt say the same thing about Mister God. Mister God wanted everything, so he didnt reflect anything back!
Now if Mister God didnt reflect anything back, we couldnt possibly see Him, could we?"

-Mister God, this is Anna.

been reading this book, bernice's book. and it certainly contains very fresh insights and lets us see through anna's eyes to the process of her ponderings, to open up and dissect grains of truth through her explosive individuality.

but while intellectual authority may impress you powerfully, transformation begins only when you claim that piece of intellect. when you chew upon it and make it your own, then you can be in the middle of anna, the middle of God, the middle of life, the middle of joy, the middle of truth, the middle of emptiness.
isnt it funny how life's most complex concepts are illustrated through the simplest of words? humans have multiple, infinite points of view, since each person is entitled to his/her own perspective. but God has infinite viewing points, he is everywhere, all the time, and nowhere where there's darkness. because technically, God shines out in the light. light to God is darkness to us, because of the relative disparity. all the darkness in the world have no power to enshroud the glow of one candle.
loneliness in this world exists with godliness. because no one else sees through the same eyes, but Him who gave you sight.
didnt mean for this to be so rambling and introspective, some may think this is all crap, but it doesnt matter.
dreadingtheconfrontation,thedemiseofambiguity,wheretruthisuncovered,
outburstofdenialdejectiondemarcation,endofdiplomacy.nofalseimpressions.

boxes of gray

woot! just completed my a&c essay. that was due first week of june hols. -accomplished- :D flooorball season starts! hehe. trainings and everything.. and tryouts tmr! funfun. but its weird that the floorball stick (considering its weight and holes) costs more than my hockey stick. bah. hope dad wont complain. ive to pay 100 for jerseys and skirt and stick. :/ maybe i shld release the news sloowly to prevent a fatal shock.
was talking to a friend about booth, about how slack he was. he hasnt returned us our summary since feb, hasnt returned our pw 2nd DRAFT proposal, etcetcetc. then my friend remarked that its quite mean to talk abt him like that. it nv occured to me. what is the definition of gossip? what if its true? but who's to say whats true huh? its true he hasnt marked much.
isnt it so stressful thinking of what's right and what's not all the time, classifying the blatantly gray into boxes of black and white, and cordoning ourselves into restrictive little fences of operation? am i supposed to do that? continually seeking to avoid being judgemental about others, but perpetually making value judgements about what's good or not/
it's getting so tiring.


tmr's schedule:
715am arts fac comm meeting
230pm floorball tryouts (OPEN TO ALL!)
730 ACME meeting