stop the labels.

if i speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, i am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. if i havve the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if i have a faith that can move mountains but have not love, i am nothing.


what does this really mean to me? to you?

i used to think "patience ministry" was really funny, like a biblical twist. until i came to know the patience ministerees- i don't know, okay? suddenly what seemed funny and apt and witty just seems downright mean, ugly, and selfish now. and i feel like a hypocrite, together with the rest- for talking about God's love til the cows come home or more likely til the church empties, and not giving it. not really living it. how many of us reading this can claim to be truly loving others, the Jesus way? i'm trying not to give myself excuses- his or her flaws, my tiredness, my human-ness, ME ME ME ME ME. always in the way of humility. of giving and forgiving. !! "i'm trying to love" is simply not good enough- cos it means i'm just not loving! love is an act of the will. how many times have i heard that, and let it pass me by, ignorant?

patience was never meant to be a bad word. it is now used to connote hopelessness, reluctance, exasperation. why do we corrupt what is good?

arggh you can ignore me just like i ignored what i read in the bible, or just skip this over like i skipped over the sermons on love. it's always easy to ignore these until we come face to face with human needs. i'm not perfect- why should i expect her to be? why do i choose only to see her flaws? why am i not choosing to love her?

love is PATIENT, is KIND. it does NOT ENVY, it does NOT BOAST, it is NOT PROUD. it is NOT RUDE, it is NOT SELF-SEEKING, it is NOT EASILY ANGERED, it keeps NO RECORD of wrongs. It ALWAYS PROTECTS, ALWAYS TRUSTS, ALWAYS HOPES, ALWAYS PERSEVERES.

- to quote someone: "it's been done to death and you still don't get it." i WILL choose to love- not grudgingly, cos love grudgingly is at best an oxymoron- at worst and honestly, it doesn't mean anything. hot air. Jesus came to love those people found hard to love- and he wasn't shuddering when he went into Zaccheus' home, he said with enthusiasm, "i MUST go to your house tonight" and he just loved loved loved him. it didn't make any sense to me, deep within me, until it hit home tonight. until she spoke from her heart and i was cut, not because she criticised me, not because she complained, but just because she was honest and i was not. she was in pain and all along i was so blind.

i dont want to be a white washed tomb, i dont want to see people one-sided and label them. i don't want to clatter about love and not be love just the way Jesus Is Love.
felicia is love. does that make any sense? substitute it with your name, does it make sense to you? God's love is senseless, is ridiculous, extravagantly so.

i dont want to be a hypocrite. watch my words, thoughts, heart and deed. "i will love."