Disappointed with lack of fruit, i tried to reward myself, squeeze some good out of my trip to the library, so i took a look at the "Times UK University Guide 2005". And, i took a seat on a humble looking bench, beside an indian guy and in front of a chinese lady [who had a newspaper sprawled all over the leather couch. so i couldnt seat. upon reflection, im glad i couldnt.]
And Then, came the Fateful Sneeze.
uh huh, so this guy sneezed, big deal. i just kept on looking through the Guide, but the chinese lady in a buttoned gray dress and loosely bunned hair suddenly started up.
Conversation proceeds between man and woman, i was a silent observer, with occasional nods and smiles in an awkward -uh huh, but i dont know you- fashion. She was speaking so loudly, like a typical aunty in a wet market, and anyone who walked past us seemed to give me a startled and sympathetic look.
Woman: "Aiyoh. Better hope that guy just has normal flu and not bird flu! you know how bird flu spreads? its like that! through the flu you know! not through fever or anything. One person sneeze then all the germs are spreading through this place! [looks around]"
Indianman: "ah yeah, they should spray some medical spray like those in clinics. to kill the germs."
GrayWoman: "you know my house also! everytime a neighbour sneeze out of the window, i wake up and start using a cloth and fan and fan, so the germs wont come in. Go back to their house! All that virus! Until my husband asks me 'what are you doing in the middle of the night?' i can use the spray, but chemicals are bad for you. so all i can do is use some, uh, strength la! to block the viruses."
[stifled bemused chuckle]
Man: "nah, i dont think it works that way..."
Woman: "then somemore the cleaners used to come twice a week, because of high water bill they cut down! recently all the people with dengo, you know the mosquitoes come from where anot? the neighbour next door, keep potted plants! nothing wrong with that la, but they ah, keep a garden! plants all the way to the lift you know."
Man: "yeah, we pay the government maintenance bill, and they never uh fumigate- pay them for what!" [this otherwise reasonable man has gripes with the gov, like most taxi drivers.]
Woman: "yeah lah. somemore, my husband almost died know, thankfully i was at home! This burning smell came up, then at first i thought its incense, nevermind la. but then, i go check again, saw a lot of smoke coming up from downstairs you know! so i hurry up call the police! they called the fire man, then they said 'where where where?' and i quickly point at that unit [gestures] and they cut the lock and spray the extinguisher! i saw it myself you know.
"Those people from China, he say his teenage daughter forgot to switch off the gas. Like i believe! Very suspicious to me. i think they want to get insurance money right, pay pay pay then never get anything back, so they purposely make it look like accident.
"And you know tv mobile show they caught terrorists [?!] Not Muslim, but from China you know! Wah, i see already so scared. i told my husband, 'Terrorists living downstairs!' He say 'no lah, its an accident' How Can?? If primary school daughter say forget i believe la, but secondary school? You mean the school never teach them safety education is it!
"So, definitely they want the insurance money! But they never expect me so expert."
Man: "that's one possibility la. mm. so thankfully you have a sharp nose"
Woman: "Yeah, somemore they bought new leather sofa you know! Expensive new sofa, where they get the money? Must be insurance money la! Thankfully i at home, my husband almost burn to death you know!"
[she goes on to talk about fires]
"You know nowadays in the news, so many fires everywhere! [er, in indonesia maybe?] Got this family, want to go holiday, then the fire reach them, gone case. so instantly you know! their friend also cannot believe! He say, they want to holiday also cannot, so suddenly gone already! Like instant noodle so fast! [hahaha.] So i say, see anything quickly report! Don't give any 'chence'! My downstairs neighbour said, 'you report to police ah?'
"Yeah la, not me then who? [this sounds familiar...who stole the cookie] They so stupid, never report! Still say 'you call one ah, you call!' still try to put blame on me you know. i dont call, burn already who talk for me? right anot.
"Fires ah, will go upwards first then sideways [ah, so she's on expert on fires too.] go up chap see lao, chap gao lao (14th storey, 19th storey)..
[i glance sideways at the indian man, who nods knowingly then smuggles a lost expression to me. uh, i didnt interprete. some things are not worth the effort?]
Woman: "The world is going mad you know." [good news, we're part of it!]
Man: "Yeah, the whole world is becoming stressed out la."
Woman: "I'm feeling very strange you know. I feel weird!" [would confirming your suspicions bring reassurance? ;) ]
[man gets a timely phone call, and we are delivered into a blessed silence. i have a flu, but the woman's paranoia really stopped me from sniffing even a bit. i had a solemn fear that she would pounce on me with disinfectant sprays and violent cloth-flagging to keep the germs with me. or she would conclude that that Fateful Sneeze had taken its toll on me. instant like noodle! haha. ]
--*--
Speaking of mosquitoes, this morning as dad drove me to Boon Lay, we saw some aged (50-60 years) cyclists wearing Team Singapore shirts. Dad remarked 'that's the mosquito squadron.'
i would have laughed if it was a joke. Problem is, he was probably serious. They were the Elderly Olympian Cycling Committee, more like. What a funny day.
i've got a fever. cripes.
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