many pennies for the taking

haha im watching spiderman in snippets. at the part where spiderman says to maryjane,
'i'll always be there for you. i will always be here to protect you. i will be here for you as a friend.'
mj (tearstained) 'only a friend?'
pp 'that's all i have to give.'
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i remember reading this writer saying, 'i wonder why so many superheroes are obsessed with hiding their identities, especially from their loved ones.' ever thought about it? yeah so they wanna protect the WORLD, but the world is just an abstraction just a pool of faces which dont mean anything. if they're SUPERheroes it means they gotta be super for most but human for some, or one. because being human gives them a reason to want to be super- unless they're machines there's no reason why they should keep living for others, keep being super, super-efficient, super-strong, super-flyer-with-red-cape, super-muscular-and-can-stop-train, super-everything, super-anything. no reason being super unless you're human, and being super allows you to care about the humans you are protecting. no point being strong unless you're at some points, at some times, with some people, weak.
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today's usp class was mind-blowing, as usual. dr don showed us the videos of infinitesimal nature at work. do you know there's this plant [called horse something] on a remote island, CROWDED with gulls, which has evolved to be like a dead gull carcass?? it has thick black hairs on its surface like the feathers of a dead gull, it smells like rotten flesh, it has the temperature of a FRESHLY dead gull, so as to attract flies to enter into them and pollenate the flowers inside them! its gross, yet so amazing at the same time. and there lies very powerful proof of evolution- but on a species level only, at this point. i mean, a specific type of plants evolve to become more effective at trapping flies- but still remains that species of plant. i am so bought in by dr. that science is the product of trial and error processes. even though we say that science eradicates all subjectivity and only looks at objective truth? the FACT is that science is itself built on subjective trial and error! if a plant leaf that colour doesnt work, it'll grow hair! oh, more flies come, but not enough. what if it warms itself up a little? oh bingo! more flies seem to be coming. say, i turn up the heat even more? uh oh. this aint working. flies getting burnt. haha kidding. so.. temperature down a little on the thermostat.. ahhh. *guess what? the optimal temperature a freshly dead gull carcass!!* of course, this happens over thousands of years, due to natural interactions between plant and its environment. the plant has no brain to program what step to take next- it is just nature's trial and error process to ensure that the fittest survives.

are u getting this? what is there to get? i find that i have to reconcile different blocks of knowledge within me that seem to conflict- how can evolution coexist with creation? what's truth, an extreme or a range? i wish i didnt respect my teachers that much! they win so much of my respect by being so darned intelligent. [like my sec 2 friend once said, don't question authority: they don't know either.] darn it. i have an authority problem. i goo into them too easy!.
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im not sure about msg.. im very stingy with my time. because i have very little of it left over. and very sure that i want to spend it the best way possible. and because i have so many possible uses and such diverse interests, from running and swimming to reading to drawing to accessory making to playing the guitar to writing to watching tv to sleeping to shopping and meeting up with friends and watching movies to learning a new language or brushing up on chinese plus family commitments and all... is it wrong to be stingy? as of yet i dont detect a strong calling, any calling to step up, except from sheer obligation. i need wisdom, lord.