dreams of red

today's a sunday, that means its a monday tomorrow, in exactly fifteen minutes time. monday means its school time- the inauguration ceremony. things with long names like that can only mean one thing- bombastic boredom. bb. like boring brother. last weekend i was feeling really stretched, all the silly admin matters, the editing of the posters in .eps format [which didnt work, jpeg rules for me.], its like they make mountains out of themselves, i don't make anything out of them- i just try to shovel the molehills into the email account to be SENT out and it doesn't work. then it explodes. along with me.
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i had something very important to say, and then i forgot.
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sharmaine brought me strawberry ripple waffles today! and kit kat chocolate. then wohwoh went to swensons for the most delicious fries and topless 5 icecream you've every tried in your LIFE. and before that we had an interesting MSG session cos Jac's sister Sharmaine came n shared with us her life story. the gist of it is that - God knows your secret dreams n desires, and he wants to work with you to bring those into fulfilment. and that struck me because i just told zhonyun that i had alot of dreams for the music ministry, for the youth service and slowly i feel them dying, because the reality and vision gap just looms ever larger the deeper i walk into it. AND the amazing thing is that during music ministry meeting, Tee spoke on the same thing, that before he met Christ he had alot of these dreams [like watching a live NBA game, scaling mountains] and God brought them into being later on- and he was touched because God knew him, his inner longings, LONG before he ever acknowledged God in his life.
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i REMEMBER the important thing i was going to say! That sometimes its so easy to be cynical and disbelieving about so many things, its so easy to criticise and so much harder to appreciate. Criticising a movie, a writer, another person is like building a wall around your face, because you no longer have to risk being poked at, you don't have to fight to preserve something that's good. Like if i say the movie sucks, my friend who sort of enjoyed it normally wouldn't dare to honestly voice her opinion- "i thought it was really good actually, especially the romance part" because i would just diss it again "What?! that was the worst part, so draggy and korean melodrama." you know? Every 'appreciation' you say is liable to attack, every good thing you say is a potential loop for some cynical bummer to come along and tear down, and cast doubts on your taste/judgements. it's so much easier to criticise, but it's so much more divine and earnest and brave to admire. To say:

"i like this, it's really good."
"i like your singing, it encouraged me."
"i like the design you did."
"i like his leadership style."
"i like you."

cynicism is very much a rebellious streak derived from growing up pangs, as though by poking holes through other things we can show we are invincible, better-than-holey. isn't it? why do we curse and criticise more than we encourage and affirm? but there comes a point when skepticism becomes immature, and we only become more of the persons we truly are beneath those walls with some brave, searching honesty.

why the red tape?
now, if you'll excuse me, i have a date
with God.